I'm hiding in your flower

I will hide within the flower
and bring color to your day.

I will hide within the flower
and watch your eyes smile.

I will hide within the flower
and steal your admiring glance.

I will hide within the flower
and feel your soft caress.

I will hide within the flower
so you'll pin me to your heart.

I will hide within the flower
so you'll miss me when I'm gone.

Peeved!

Be beautiful
- enthrall me

Be mysterious
- excite me

Be rewarding
- please me

Be difficult
- motivate me

Be vengeful
- anger me

Be punishing
- humble me

But why be confusing
- and puzzle me
and depress me
and annoy me?


Most of the time I just love life. But there are times like these when I can't hate it more...

PS: I know this is not great poetry, I was not even attempting one. I guess my mood is evident...

Some moments are forever...

The tickle of a receding wave…

...the salty spray on my face

The first rays of dawn...

...surrendering to sleep

A teardrop waiting to fall…

…the drizzle before a torrent

The flutter his voice evokes…

…breath held, waiting for his “Yes”

Pass it on

She ran her hands over his face, his hair, tears streaming down her face all the while...


Consumerdemon suggested(quite a while ago) that we have a story tag, where one blogger starts a story and others are free to take it on and complete it, or add a few more lines and pass on the tag in their own blogs. So if you are interested, take this tag, write some more in your blog and leave me a comment here. I will update the links in this post.

It will be really nice to see what different imaginations can create...

Magical Elements (in 55 words)

The Air I breathe
brews inside me
into a passionate storm.

The Waters of the ocean
evoke in me
a deep silent longing.

Earth, the eternal charmer,
She beckons me
to her far corners.

Someday I will fly
and become Queen
of the unconquered Sky

The Fire burns-
I live.
I live-
The Fire burns.

Tag: 55 word poem

PS: Thanx to . : A : .

Defeating Fate

He peered down from the top of the cliff. Steeling his nerves, he put one leg into the air. The calm sea below was both inviting and intimidating. The sheer height made his head reel. He was going to make his own destiny, shackle Fate’s hands and defeat her. He gazed into the sky savoring his last few moments, when he saw a faint white light. Sun's rays were creeping in, rapidly turning night to day. Behind him the stars shone brighter than ever while before him the sun was making its grand entry. Fate was beckoning to him with a glint in her eyes. The enormity of the moment made him feel small, alone and insignificant, all at once. There was no choice, there never had been. There was no changing destiny, no challenging Fate, no last laugh. But this journey itself had been inevitable. Smiling to himself, he began his slow descent from the cliff, clutching Life tighter with every step.

55 Words

Their eyes met. He was rooted to the spot, a few feet away. They were locked in a virtual embrace, while parallel worlds moved on. Odes recited, promises exchanged, unsaid words, a tiny flutter…she smiled, he raised a hand to his heart…The light turned green, she turned left, he turned right. A deep calm prevailed...

PS: I would have thought a story in 55 words next to impossible. Kudos to whoever started the tag!

To touch those words...

The scent of fresh ink,
The brilliant blue…

The mild yellow of ageing paper,
The soft crinkle…

The scratching of pen on paper,
The sound of flowing words…

The embossed flower in a corner of the sheet,
The unsaid greeting…

The long fluent hand,
The slight slant…

The feel of the etched words,
The writer’s touch…

Alas! How I miss them all...

....And I got this pleasant surprise from velvetgunther, Special thanks to him :

This makes my post complete

Tryst with nature

The journey had begun…

She gazed out the window, searching for meaning in the shapeless clouds, the chilly wind pricking her face, shafts of moonlight kissing her good night…

Silhouettes of trees rapidly flew by, forgotten faces flashed by, awakening random memories, casting shadows on her thoughts…

She ran into sea’s embrace, the roaring waves welcoming her. They lashed around her feet, threatening to carry her away and drink her up.

The foaming waves, the salty spray, the deep blue sea, soft skies, smoky clouds, melted together like a melody- another one of nature’s symphonies.

She stood atop the mountain, great skies above, deep sea below, savoring the sweet scent of wet grass, resisting the urge to take a plunge, resisting the urge to take flight…

Twilight set in, she bade sad farewell to the day as the sun retired behind the clouds...

...the sky painted orange, purple and pink.

Lo and behold, out came the moon to put the smile back in her eyes.Caressed by a soft breeze, she lolled in the moonlight and fell into a dreamy slumber, smiling shyly as she entered her prince’s arms.

PS: Inspired by a weekend trek in Gokarna, Karnataka, India.

I "Live"

I sing...
I sing to calm
the screaming silence

I laugh...
I laugh to eclipse
the droning tedium

I cry...
I cry to mollify
the hurting ego

I love...
I love to feel
the throb of life

I hate...
I hate to remain
fate's perpetual puppet

I create...
I create to liberate
the trapped passion

As time flies by

When I met you first, I was-

Allured by your mystery
Aroused by your temptation
Enthralled by your capriciousness
Intoxicated with your novelty


Many a year has passed-

You are still shrouded in mystery
But I search for something familiar

You entice me no end
But I look away

You are whimsical as ever
But I choose routine

You are born afresh each morn
But I want eternity

Twilight reminiscence

My mood so mellow
I watch your halo,
As you look down at me
smiling in glee.

I reach out to touch
your smoky face,
As you float around
in your high abode.

I hate to see you
melt away,
As you rush to hide
behind dawn's veil.

.............suspended in time.............

...wallowing in mediocrity
....buried in mundanity
.....chained by sentiments
......encroached by rules
.......fooled by words
........trapped by commitments
.........deserted by luck
..........forced into routine
...........waiting for change
............hoping to smile

.............suspended in time.............

Betrayed

Photo: courtesy Kripa

The sun split open the sky- blazing fire cocooned in a vast, far reaching darkness. She squinted as she tried to look the sun in its eye. The sun rays felt like hot needles on her face, she wished they would magically turn to needles of rain. She wished the clouds would halt their laborious journey and break open.

She wanted rain, harsh rain that would prick when it struck her. She yearned for ice, hard ice that would sear her skin at the slightest touch. She dreamed of snow, silken flakes of fresh snow melting in her hand.

A cool breeze began to blow. The sun hid between the clouds, the rays tried in vain to force through the thick, smoky clouds. Her eyes lit up. Rain! She wet her lips in anticipation. A drop of sweat trickled from her brow along the side of her face. The clouds rumbled and a streak of lightning lit up a corner of the sky. She could not contain her excitement. It had been so long. A mild dampness crept into the air. With bated breath she waited.

The clouds began to move again. They parted like a curtain gently revealing the sun– brightening swiftly. They dissolved slowly, changing from thick rain clouds to translucent fog to misty puffs of cotton to tiny wisps to smoke. Her heart ached as they disappeared. Passing clouds, yet again…

Those waters...

I saw those waters…
The silver blue sparkle
Awakened a sense
of sheer passion.

I touched those waters…
The flowing velvet
Brought gentle ripples
of forgotten memories

I drank from those waters…
It still lingers-
The sweet taste
of purity.

I listened to those waters…
As the waves rolled and lashed-
The rhythm instilled
a deeper calm.

I swam in those waters…
Every stroke- a tiny step
towards the horizon,
towards my dream.

I drowned in those waters…
From the immense deep
I surfaced anew,
clutching life tighter.


I went on a weekend trip to a place called Honnermadu (Karnataka, India).
The photo is that of a reservoir in Honnermadu and these are all the emotions those waters evoked.

Voices

Don’t cry, you moron. Life is so long, there’s so much time. God please, help me on this. I need a smoke. She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not……Stop, breathe, Listen to the music. Who cares? May be I should take a loan. Yes! I did it. I wish I could die. What about the baby? I want those shoes I saw yesterday. Hey wait for me. Prayer? Luck? Bah! Sigh…How I wish.... I have no time, I’m so tired. Let’s catch a movie. Sleep some more, just five more minutes. But why am I running? I’m broke again. How dare he? Where am I going? I’m lost. He died??? But I have not met him in years, I really meant to soon. Maybe I should switch jobs... Life is beautiful. Shut up,will you? Let me read in peace. Wow great day! Can he really be making so much? I will travel, I will write, I will be rich, I’ll do all these things and more...Someday... I am God. I better clear that exam, sleep, sleep, damn it just go to sleep. Some people have all the luck. But I'm hungry. Chill! Have some fun, Party Time! Money? Who needs it? It’s my life, my space, my wish. This is the last straw, I’m out of here. Determination! Keep that spirit up. What is the hurry? Who do you think you are? This time I will do it. But why not me? Stop dreaming, will you? No this can’t happen, not again , not again, noooooooo. SILENCE.

My papa will come for me...

Maya watched the shaft of light streaming in through the high window, dust busily dancing about. She loved these moments of early morning solitude. She remembered the previous night’s dreams and smiled sadly.

“Maya………” someone screamed from the floor below. Even after eight long years she still could not resign herself to her fate. The thought that kept surfacing in her mind was “My papa will come for me...” There was a sharp rap on the door and before she knew it there was a man with her, yet another faceless customer. The faces had begun fading away long ago.

She went through the motions of sex with no pleasure or pain. She was too tired to even hate them. They were all the same; when they were done they just got up and walked away, full of guilty pleasure. Her mind wandered to her past. She wondered how she got here. She drew a blank every time she tried to recall. The last thing she remembered was anxiously waiting for her father to come back with a gift on the eve of her thirteenth birthday. The next morning she had found herself in this cursed place amidst strange men and women. She lived with just one hope –“My papa will come for me” .

The day trudged along slowly. There was a steady stream of men. In a stupor she dreamed of seas and mountains, friends and freedom, books and movies. Finally she was alone again. But she was too tired to do anything. She was praying there won’t be anyone tonight when the door opened. The man crept up to her in the darkness. What she looked like, fair or dark, old or young or who she was never mattered for this carnal desire. She stayed numb till he finally fell asleep.

She moved to a corner of the bed and plunged into a deep, dreamless slumber. It was dawn. She got up and sat by her window admiring the beautiful morning sky, enjoying the sounds of dawn. The man from the previous night was still asleep. Her gaze fell on his face and she was horrified. Her papa had come back for her.

PS: Kripa, consumerdemon, musafir, sorry to make you read it again.

The vice called "Love"...

Kiran held the worn, yellow piece of paper in his hand. He could not believe what he saw. He read it again…

Dear Priya,

It pains me to be the bearer of this knowledge. Being your best friend, I feel morally bound to bring this to your notice. I could not get myself to speak these words to you, hence this letter.

Yesterday I saw Kiran in a compromising pose in the cinema hall with a girl I have never seen before. They were gone before I could confront them.

Stay strong. This will also pass…

Yours,
Anu

All the memories came rushing back. This explained the unanswered phone calls and the sudden disappearance of Priya from his life. She had blindly believed her friend.

He was trying to digest the implications of this letter, when his wife, Anu, entered the room with his morning coffee. When she saw the letter in his hand, she froze, all she thought was, “What a fool I am to have retained that letter as a symbol of my triumph?!”

Riot of Colors

Am I a mere palette-
offering these shades,
waiting to be mixed?

Am I an empty canvas-
waiting for the artist,
longing for a splash of color?

Am I the painter-
master of color and canvas,
painting dreams, painting life?

inspired by the painting by B.S. Desai I saw in 'The Hindu'

My Collections

Hurray!!!!!

I finally possess

entire Tintin collection
entire Asterix collection
entire Calvin&Hobbes collection
every Garfield comic strip printed till date (and I will receive each day's Garfield comic by e-mail to update my collection)

...waiting to write them on to CDs

Disaster struck- Heart in the mouth

5 minutes ago I tried to open http://thoughtsafari.blogspot.com
and this is the message I got...

Not FoundThe requested URL was not found on this server. Please visit the Blogger homepage or the Blogger Knowledge Base for further assistance.

Home About Knowledge Help Developers Gear Privacy Copyright © 1999 - 2005 Google

I very nearly cried. All the effort I put into this blog, every post flashed in front of my eyes in slow motion. Then in a frenzy I started reading the Blogger- Help FAQ. To reproduce the error to send it to the support team, I typed the address for one of the archived pages (instead of the main page) and viola my blog opened.

It was like a friend, whose loss I was just beginning to mourn, walked up and screamed "April Fool!!!!", a couple of months late though. Whew! Can you see me grinning ear to ear?

Soliloquy

I look around with big frightened eyes
I cannot cry out for there’s no one to hear me,
I look back, there’s no one behind me.
I put my foot forward and take it back in a hurry,
I take a few steps and turn back in a flurry.
For miles ahead all I see is a maze of paths,
Each with its own bends,
Teasing me with their mystery,
Beckoning to me, as I stand on the threshold.
I don’t know where each one leads.
All I know is- There’s no turning back once I step in.
Reason deserts me, questions crowd my mind…

Will I step away from the familiar road I have trudged all this while?

Will I have to cut a new path through thick, untouched bushes?

Will I fall off this steep cliff I have laboriously climbed?

Or will I climb even higher before I fall?

Will I get hurt on the way? If I do will I have the strength to rise and continue?

Can I take a peek, a preview, before I decide to make the turn?

Will I be confronted by gods or demons?

Will I find a companion, to cry and laugh with, to share my mirth and misery with?

Will there be a guardian angel to guide me through this deceptive journey?

Will I have the courage to tread a new path if I find myself at a dead end?

Will I turn back every now and then, longing for what I left behind?

Will the rain gently refresh me or lash down to punish me?

Will the sun wake me gently everyday or scorch me in its hot wrath?

Will lady luck make me chance on pleasant discoveries that make my journey easier?

Is there a destination? If there is one, will I reach it? If I do, will I like it?

Will I wander astray before I reach?

On reaching when I look into the mirror, will I still see me?

Melting Glory

A small world
stands revealed-
Naked in the yellow glow
of the shrinking candle.

The flame shivers-
kissed by the wind,
Shapeless shadows
dance in glee.

The soft glow
lights up a corner-
of the room,
of the heart.

Streams of wax begin to flow
but freeze into sticks midway-
The candle melting
in its own blazing glory!

The rain dance

She sat on the terrace looking pensively at the velvet blue night sky. She tried to guess how many stars were there. She yearned for his embrace when the cool night breeze touched her. The sound of music floated by from a music class nearby. She thought about the children who were singing, each one singing louder than the other- their innocent attempts to impress the teacher. Life was as simple as that...

The moon was playing peek-a-boo with the clouds. It showed its face for a brief moment and went into hiding again. Even the moon was cheating her, just like life. The train of thought was threatening to take a sadder, cynical note. To shake it off she began to hum in unison with the children’s voices. A calm came over her. She savored the nostalgic tug at her heart when the breeze, the music and the children’s voices melted together. She longed for happy days again.

She lay down on the floor and stretched slowly, conscious of every small movement she made. She closed her eyes and the shapes started looming in her mind. Everything came rushing back.

They were meeting after a week. She was willing time to move faster. She could not wait to see him. Their previous meeting had ended on a bitter note. They had quarreled again and had not spoken since. Today he had called and in his gruff style said, “Let’s meet, usual time, usual place. Bye.” She felt the familiar flutter again. The anger, the bitterness, the loneliness vanished without a trace.

It was at this moment that she realized that her love ran deep; she could never give him up. Her ego left her and fond memories took its place. A single teardrop escaped her eye and landed on her desk. She saw it glistening in the sunlight. It was full of color. Oh! The magic of this voice.

Finally, after seven hours of hearing the clock tick laboriously, she was at the beach waiting for him. He never kept her waiting, but today she had waited half an hour already. She watched the waves rolling towards her and beckoning to her as they receded. A boat tossed about merrily in the distance, carrying fishermen returning from a long day at sea. She felt like running up to the horizon and touching the sky where it met the sea. She was her usual spirited self again. Life could not be better, Yes! He was back.

She was musing about her childish dreams and laughing to herself when someone touched her from behind. She turned to see his grim face. She was puzzled why she had not known it was him. She always sensed when he was close by and intuitively turned around. Today she had not even recognized his touch. Something was amiss.

She searched his eyes for the hidden love, but in vain. He had never once told her he missed her. Today she just wanted to scream out how much she had missed him, how desperately she had waited for him. But she held back when she saw his cold eyes. She let her eyes do the talking; they asked him what was wrong. He could not meet her eyes. He turned away and they stood facing the sea, the rhythmic lashing of the waves filling the silence between them. Still facing the sea, he spoke, “It’s over, I have to move on.” And he walked away swiftly without turning back. She watched numbly till he disappeared into the twilight, he had disappeared from her life. She stood there that night for she knew not how long.

…the music that had filled her senses a short while ago sounded like screeching. The breeze chilled her till she shivered. A whole year had passed, she had not cried once. Her life had been shattered by his parting sentence. He had moved on. She never wondered why. She just let the pain seep through her and drain her off her energy day after day for a year now.

As she lay there lost in melancholy, a heavy raindrop fell on her forehead; she felt a sharp pain. There was a loud crack of thunder and another raindrop fell and another and another... till she was soaked. Then the tears started gushing from her eyes. She got up and began and a slow dance in the rain. Slowly her steps got more and more springy. She felt alive again. The rain had washed him away. She smiled.

The shorter journey

I sat by the window as the trees and plants, cows and goats, endless rows of houses, men and women raced past me.Shadows were everywhere. With every movement I made, the shadows twisted themselves into a new shape - an eagle, a bunny, a flower...

There was a waft of breeze that brought with it many a smell- that of fresh, wet earth, that of firewood burning in the houses nearby, that of eucalyptus as we passed a tree...

I sat across from faceless people, making their respective journeys with their own purposes and goals. We shared a common space for a night. We might have made great friends, had we met elsewhere. But in this night-long journey which forced us into each other's company, we chose to remain perfect strangers. Everyone was making conscious attempts not to meet anyone's eyes, lest it leads to a conversation. Is it some sort of fear, or hesitation to initiate, or sheer laziness, or the unwillingness to add to the plethora of faces we already are forced to remember and associate with? Someone flashed a guarded smile now and then, a smile that never reached the eye.

I sat staring at the two gleaming, smooth lines of iron that ran faithfully with me all the time and let my mind wander idly. Sleep rushed in and I was transported to a world miles away. I woke up to find everyone rushing away to begin another day of their lives, while I still lived in yesterday. This journey, already a thing of the past, just another insignificant leg in the ever so vast journey of life.....

No winning, No losing

It's a race
through a maze,
Every turn is a mystery,
There's no right or wrong,
Simply race along.

One of the racers,
with pace unaltered,
stays unbeaten forever.
Others, giving every ounce of effort,
remain an inch behind-much to their fervor.

Many a time we get lost,
Many a time we fall behind,
For we fix our sight
on the goal, so far,
and run madly, looking neither left nor right.

Soon we learn the secret-
is not to get ahead
but to keep the pace,
is not to reach the end
but to tread the right path.

For there's no overtaking "Time",
In the race called "Life".

Why do they meet?

The leaf begins its silent descent,
Cast away by its beloved parent.
The wind's caress makes it sigh,
As it falls from its abode on high.

The cloud erupts with a clap,
Releasing a raindrop from its womb.
The raindrop in its new found freedom,
Races down to the earthy kingdom.

The leaf swings and sways,
The wind sets its pace,
The leaf sails down, light as a feather,
All elements of nature lilting together.

The raindrop, during its journey,
Kissed by the sun's rays,
Sees all of seven colors,
And many a different shape.

With a soft rustle, a final whisper,
The leaf bids farewell to the wind,
On meeting Earth it comes to a stop,
Just to catch the falling raindrop.

Traffic jam in Bangalore

This morning on my way to work, being too sleepy to read, I decided to put my book down and just let Radio City lull me to sleep. Just as I was entering lala land, I was shaken out of my stupor when a large cow just walked across in front of my van with no warning whatsoever. The driver was caught unawares and I got a huge jolt when he hit the brakes, barely missing the cow. The ironical part is that while there were so many kind souls relieved that the cow was safe, the cow itself (that ideally should have been scared out of its wits) blissfully continued crossing the road without batting so much as an eyelid!

After this insightful experience that was an eye opener to the indifference of cows/buffaloes and other four legged pedestrians to the city's traffic no hope of sleeping remained. So I watched all the activity happening on the road.

The insanities:

There were these crazy car drivers who blare their horns away knowing full well that they can't move an inch forward/backward or in any direction at all.

There were young couples on bikes who are too busy hugging/talking/fighting/arguing to notice what the din is all about. Had the cow been on their path, the cow, guy and girl would be in some hospital now.

There were guys/gals on motorbikes/scooters who seemed to prefer the foot path to the road, thereby driving all the pedestrians to the middle of the road.

There were cyclists who jumped in front of your vehicle every now and then. And of course you get abused for not reacting in time if you crash into them.

Pedestrains who randomly decide to cross the road and are obviously unaware of the zebra crossing concept, just close their eyes, put their hand out, look straight and start crossing the road. There is a long line of cars with squealing brakes, but they walk on. At times they do this in pairs, completely lost in conversation, or even better- in large groups.

There are beggars who hold on to your leg or the car window and don't let go when the light turns green. Now you have to make a choice between pushing the beggar away, driving away and not care about him/her getting hurt or shut your ears to all the honking from behind while you fish out the money or begging the beggar to move and let you go. Whew! What a predicament....

There is the omnipresent auto driver who first wants to overtake you from the left and then drives right in front of you going zig zag zig zag........Now that is a sight! Finally when you are all set to overtake him, he just turns right without indication. You are lucky if you are still driving after this episode.If you abuse him, he will stop,look back, glare, stop the auto, walk all the way back, scream obscenties you've never heard before and then continue on his journey.

And the list is endless. Being a participant in this drama is just too traumatic and a terrible way to start the day. But observing the scene from a safe distance like a terrace or a shop window is safe and even entertaining.

The mad house hunt

Every website that publishes classified ads, copy and paste of all promising ads and a hundred phone calls later, I'm still in the mad rat race in pursuit of a house to live in. It's a demoralizing experience to think you will get thrown out of your house in the near future.

One thought leads to another and I imagine myself standing on the road with all my bags threatening to burst open at the slightest jolt. Now add to this the apprehension of a person living out of home for the first time. Shudder shudder!!!

The ads:
They reveal nothing really, no landmark, no specific area....the descriptions are typically:-

"Heart of the city" (read walk 2 km on a mud road to reach here)
Or
"1500 sq ft" (The fine print- carpet area 800sq ft. the rest of it is your share of the car park, terrace etc., I guess)
Or
"Brand apartment in posh (read uninhabited, sparse human population, deserted) residential area"(looks like they'd rather not commit on the "newness" of the house. Can't they run a spell/grammar check on an online ad?)

The hunt:
We (Me and 2 others) took a chance and went see one of these houses.
We call the owner. He's very sweet and says "come over anytime".
Time to go - we ask for directions and got a series of lefts, rights, lanes and landmarks which form a hazy picture. So we set off in a car, finally reach the first landmark in sight and then stop to ask for directions. It's amazing how people come forward to help. Two guys jumped forward to help. One says "Straight jaaoo, dead end me left hogi, seedha hogu, aur ek dead end aayega, alli right" That was Kannada, Hindi and English in one sentence. The guy next to him wakes up suddenly and says "not left right". I wonder which of the left turns he was referring to. So ultimatey after stopping every few yards and 3-4 U-turns later, we reached the place.Only to find that it's located in one remote corner of the heart of the city. Hence is still qualifies as heart of the city, I guess. This is a conspiracy against poor house seekers.

This takes the cake:
Due to the (amazing) connectivity of the place to other parts of the city, we had to rule it out as an option. But alas, this wisdom came too late... we decided this when we were at the gate of the apartment. The whole episode was a waste of fuel, time and effort.

….And stop not till the goal is reached:
Today it starts all over again.... I have 2 houses on my list...

One of the ads reads (I’m quoting from the ad):

"Ideally located in the heart of the city".

One should understand that this is only the "ideal" scenario. Reality could be anything at all. I hope it turns out to be interesting at least...

Is this creative block????

I've just been posting forward after forward all week.

The words simply refuse to flow. I find nothing worth writing about. Not that there is nothing.... but I think I refuse to see it. I start on something and forget where I started. I manage to put a few paragraphs together...I read it again and delete it, disgusted with my own writing. I have no clue why this is happening. Is it just a case of creative block, or a lack of interest in the world around me, or is it that I'm just too lazy? It can't be laziness because I've been very busy getting through my long to-do list... Surely it can't be lack of things to write about either. Seems like the days are drifting past in a dim haze. I'm down in the dumps, glum, morose.....

This week's summary-
1.Acclimatized to my new team
2.Unsuccessful in finding roomies to move into a new house
3.Spent and still spending money like water
4.Got myself a book to make a to-do list everyday. Pats on my back, every item is checked at the end of the day.
5. I've been reading reading reading and reading some more. I'm making the time I guess.
6.I'm being bombarded with information. Now I understand the term "Information Explosion". My head's swirling with all the details.
8.Been spending huge amounts of time brooding/staring into space/thinking about life in general

Is this life?

What a french kiss!!!

This is one mega kiss...

Chandramukhi - Butchering of a good concept

Manichitrathaazhu was a sheer pleasure to watch. It would have taken considerable research to make it so realistic. It was sheer genius. The theme was serious, so was the movie, naturally. That is one thing about Malayalam cinema... they have mainstream tragedy, comedy, thrillers etc. They don't have a dash of masala for the sake of entertainment value....

Chandramukhi......

Some doubts.....

1. Why Rajni for such an intelligent role?
2. Why try to create mass appeal for such an intellectual concept?
3. Need the aim behind every movie be making money out of it, making it a box office hit?
4. Why can't the movie be made keeping in mind the audience who it is really intended for?
5. Why does there need to be a component of everything in every movie to satisfy all strata of the audience?

E.g. for Q5:-

->Chandramukhi had 4- 5 useless songs that sprung from nowhere, the lyrics were full of advice for the public in true "Thalaivar style", no purpose whatsoever. And of course, his dancing abilities were stunning, in the lines of an exercise drill.

->The SNAKE????? Why was it there? Was it a tribute to the supreme, ever so successful and "funny" comedy track of Annamalai?

-> That guy who stuck to Akilandeswari looks like he begged to be in the movie to show off his 6 pack abs in a single fight, apart from giving a smug, all knowing smile every now and then. I still don't get the purpose of his role.

-> Are they establishing a neelambari, akilandeswari, other "villis"...sequence??? I wonder what the next one will be...

->And of course, Jyotika... In Manichitrathaazhu the last song is a true classical dance number by Shobana who is a very good classical dancer? When the role demands one, then why not? In the last song Jyotika makes a fool of herself dancing like a lunatic.

-> The story started and ended in the last half an hour. The technical terms from psychology were delivered with no effort whatsoever to help people understand the concepts. It was aimed more at showcasing Rajni's talent at doing intelligent roles.

-> I’m still trying to understand the rationale behind making Rajni the one Jyokita imagines to be the King... why does the limelight have to be on him even when it makes sense otherwise?( Can’t beat Malayalam movies when it comes to logic.)

On the whole they have butchered the original movie.....

The only good thing about the movie I can think about is that at least the storyline is intact. In a way it shows the inability to conceive of an original idea. If it is an effort to make a good idea reach a larger audience, why not deliver it giving due reverence to the concept or the theme rather than adapting it to fit one man’s clichéd style?

I know these views are subject to anger/ criticism from die hard Rajni fans. But they are my views all the same...

Potter Hater...

Looks like someone does not want to give credit to J.K. Rowling for her "creative genius". lol !!!

Who is the judge?

How do anyone’s opinions but for ours matter in any way?

We have been conditioned for eons to care about what others have to say about our actions. We have been taught to value the opinions of every tom, dick and harry in every phase of life. Do these opinions really matter at all? Why then, should we care?

Consider a prostitute…. What comes to mind is a woman of low morals, a woman who trades her flesh day in and day out. But it is her profession. We wax eloquent that profession is a personal choice. Then why is it that the prostitute’s choice is criticized till there is not a shred of self respect left in her? I’m not one to argue that every prostitute is a victim of her fate or circumstances. I’d rather say that she chooses it for herself and she does so knowing fully well, the implication of her choice.

Coming back to the issue of opinions of people…..An average passer by who will be more than glad to spend a few hundred bucks “to attain nirvana” at night, assumes a moral high ground the next morning and scorns the prostitute’s profession. We worry about the opinions of such hypocrites. We put up our values for examination by such spineless morons. This might seem rude or offensive. But we really need to question if anyone is worthy of passing judgment on another’s actions.

I firmly believe that our actions are governed by what we think is right and that we do only those things that our value set permits us to. Aren’t we ourselves the highest approving authorities of our own actions? Then why do we search elsewhere for approval? Why do we hesitate to look within? Why don’t we grow in confidence when deep within we feel we are doing the right thing? Instead we keep furtively searching for approval from our peers, from our superiors, from just about anybody.

We take so much pain to make sure we always stay well within the allowed boundaries of freedom as drawn by the society. We do things the same clichéd way again and again, lest we are different from our fellowmen. We fear to do things our own way, we fear to set new precedents, lest we are singled out and ridiculed. We instantly weaken our stand on things and give up our ideals when the protective web of people we have woven around ourselves is threatened. We ourselves extinguish every spark of idea we might have. All this we do in the name of fitting into society. We hide behind the façade of a “social animal”.

Why do we need to be social animals? Why can’t we just be human beings, unique human beings? Uniqueness is not appreciated and fostered. We willingly push ourselves into the abyss of mediocrity. We take pains to hide every bit of individuality in us by trying to be just like others, and all this just for mere acceptance from a bunch of faceless people.

Is all this really worth it, rather, are they really worth it? If they are, then who are they?

BAD TEACHERS.......

BAD TEACHERS.......
They never cease to baffle me.....

They come in many varieties:

1. There are those who have no clue what they are talking about. But they drone endlessly. The meaning of "TEACHING" is completely lost on them. You sit in one of these classes and you can write a book - "1001 Ways to weather through boring classes". Phew!!!!!!

2. The second kind is those who come to class determined to deliver a good lecture, they begin well with a great introduction and before you know it, you go zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

3. Then there are those who just talk to themselves or to the blackboard, or they just have a conversation with the front benchers. Whether they really know anything at all about their subject, remains a mystery forever.

4. There are those who want to take every doubt offline. “Meet me after the class and we’ll discuss it” is the only answer for any doubt raised.

5. There are those who give you a 1000 word write up to do while they take a trip to slumbertown and back.

6. There are those who say ok/u know/clear/like etc. after every other word. The biggest entertainment could be to count the number of fillers the professor uses in a class.

7. There are those who know the subject but not the English language and those who know English but not their subject. And of course those do not know both.

.............and the list of variants is endless.

I had to blog about this because they spoil most of my days making me sit through one of these rotten classes. And I'm off to one them now.

Drifting along with a shut mind

In every color there is light;
Yet there is darkness in life,
For we move on
with our eyes shut tight.

Every mind can take flight;
Yet like dead wood, we drift,
For we know not
the existence of height.

Every wall can be broken;
Yet we build taller walls,
For fear of losing
the shadow of the very walls we build.

Every dream can be a reality;
Yet we scorn lady luck,
For we often forget
to wake up from our sleep.

Being Twenty Something

I guess I am going through the most confusing and insecure phase of my life. Whenever this insecurity gets the better of me my thoughts go haywire. This has been the scene for a year now, when one fine day I came across this article. This did not change the situation much but I got more perspective on what the crisis really is all about. I am putting this article on this blog :-
1. to make it more accessible for myself
2. to share this new found wisdom with some interested soul who may take a peep at this page

The Quarter-Life Crisis

by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

I miss my dog....

I had a dog. His name was Scotty.He was a big, lazy, fawn colored labrador. He was friendly and would jump on me every time I went home. He would climb onto my bed and sleep on my sheets, sometimes he would even try to find my face under the sheets. Cannot really call him a very active dog. But he does have these spurts of activity when he just runs around the house with some toy of his, trying to get me to chase him.

He could smell chocolates/candy/ice creams/ anything sweet from miles away. You just need to open the ice cream pack and within the wink of an eye, a dog that was in a 4 hr long slumber is at your feet, sniffing away at the ice cream in your hand. But one look at his sweet face and you will happily give away most of it to him. Scotty was the best dog in the world!

He could sense it if I cry. If I so much as sulk, he will be at my side, bury his head in my lap, lick my face, make small loving howls. And he will stay with me till I give him a pat and a hug and of course, something to eat.

And boy!!! Was he a jealous dog??? If I returned from a friend's place after playing with his/her dog..... there goes my dress. He would be all over me, jumping around, showing all his displeasure. He would bark and jump and run behind me till I have a shower and hide my clothes.

I still remember, when he was teething... when he was about 2 months old, my hands were his teething bones. For a couple of months, my hands all the way up to my arms looked like I was wearing gloves with a red crisscross pattern.

He used me as his scratching post at times. He would rub his back against my legs and go in circles to his heart's content.

I just had to utter the word "cat" ( when he is awake of course!) and he'll run to the door, sniffing away for some imaginary cat. And if he really spotted one he would chase it till it's out of sight. Once my heroic dog ran behind a cat and sprained his ankle, rather some part of his leg. So we carried him down the stairs every time he needed to piss for a whole week. Imagine carrying a big, fat 25 kg labrador. Whew....

When we took him on walks..... all the kids on the street were his fans, and they would run down to play with him. He was more popular than his owner(poor me).My dog, he really gave me a complex.

When he was six, he suddenly fell sick (which was a couple of months ago)and he was on drips for 2 whole weeks. Oh how I cried, how I feared he will die. But sadly, after he recovered he had to go. My folks decided they could not manage the dog anymore. Moreover they did not want him to die at home( I still fail to see the rationale behind it). So one fine day, I was left moping around bereft of my silent friend.

Some kind soul adopted him. He's in a farm now. I really hope he's happy. I know he will miss me. And I miss him sooooooooooooooooooooo much. iIm sure he knows I will write this in his memory. So here's a Hugeeeeeee hug for my dear Scotty, wherever he is.

Do u ever feel totally lost????

Have you ever felt time refuses to move???
Have you ever felt completely directionless although you are one of the most ambitious persons ever?
Have you ever felt you have hit the proverbial cul-de-sac whenever you try to figure out where life is going?

Join the club. This is how I've been feeling for I know not how long.......I'm not lamenting anything. This is just a new situation I'm facing and am seeking insights on it to come to terms with it.