Run with me in my perpetual haste. Meander with me in my devious course. Wander with me in my desperate search. Slalom with me through my discordant vacillation. Wade with me through my hopeless misery. Sink with me in my unrequited love. Spin with me in my eddying emotion. Cruise with me through my youthful fantasy. Flow with me in my surging spontaneity. Swim with me in my divine euphony. Float with me in my phantasmal heaven. Whirl with me in my fragile bubble. Fly with me as I escape reality

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Being Twenty Something

I guess I am going through the most confusing and insecure phase of my life. Whenever this insecurity gets the better of me my thoughts go haywire. This has been the scene for a year now, when one fine day I came across this article. This did not change the situation much but I got more perspective on what the crisis really is all about. I am putting this article on this blog :-
1. to make it more accessible for myself
2. to share this new found wisdom with some interested soul who may take a peep at this page

The Quarter-Life Crisis

by unknown


It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

I miss my dog....

Lab

I had a dog. His name was Scotty.He was a big, lazy, fawn colored labrador. He was friendly and would jump on me every time I went home. He would climb onto my bed and sleep on my sheets, sometimes he would even try to find my face under the sheets. Cannot really call him a very active dog. But he does have these spurts of activity when he just runs around the house with some toy of his, trying to get me to chase him.

He could smell chocolates/candy/ice creams/ anything sweet from miles away. You just need to open the ice cream pack and within the wink of an eye, a dog that was in a 4 hr long slumber is at your feet, sniffing away at the ice cream in your hand. But one look at his sweet face and you will happily give away most of it to him. Scotty was the best dog in the world!

He could sense it if I cry. If I so much as sulk, he will be at my side, bury his head in my lap, lick my face, make small loving howls. And he will stay with me till I give him a pat and a hug and of course, something to eat.

And boy!!! Was he a jealous dog??? If I returned from a friend's place after playing with his/her dog..... there goes my dress. He would be all over me, jumping around, showing all his displeasure. He would bark and jump and run behind me till I have a shower and hide my clothes.

I still remember, when he was teething... when he was about 2 months old, my hands were his teething bones. For a couple of months, my hands all the way up to my arms looked like I was wearing gloves with a red crisscross pattern.

He used me as his scratching post at times. He would rub his back against my legs and go in circles to his heart's content.

I just had to utter the word "cat" ( when he is awake of course!) and he'll run to the door, sniffing away for some imaginary cat. And if he really spotted one he would chase it till it's out of sight. Once my heroic dog ran behind a cat and sprained his ankle, rather some part of his leg. So we carried him down the stairs every time he needed to piss for a whole week. Imagine carrying a big, fat 25 kg labrador. Whew....

When we took him on walks..... all the kids on the street were his fans, and they would run down to play with him. He was more popular than his owner(poor me).My dog, he really gave me a complex.

When he was six, he suddenly fell sick (which was a couple of months ago)and he was on drips for 2 whole weeks. Oh how I cried, how I feared he will die. But sadly, after he recovered he had to go. My folks decided they could not manage the dog anymore. Moreover they did not want him to die at home( I still fail to see the rationale behind it). So one fine day, I was left moping around bereft of my silent friend.

Some kind soul adopted him. He's in a farm now. I really hope he's happy. I know he will miss me. And I miss him sooooooooooooooooooooo much. iIm sure he knows I will write this in his memory. So here's a Hugeeeeeee hug for my dear Scotty, wherever he is.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Do u ever feel totally lost????

Have you ever felt time refuses to move???
Have you ever felt completely directionless although you are one of the most ambitious persons ever?
Have you ever felt you have hit the proverbial cul-de-sac whenever you try to figure out where life is going?

Join the club. This is how I've been feeling for I know not how long.......I'm not lamenting anything. This is just a new situation I'm facing and am seeking insights on it to come to terms with it.
 
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